just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
