All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
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I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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