Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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