just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
