actually, I'm a sock model
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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