Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
