They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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