So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
