i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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