Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
