her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Ketchup is God's man juice
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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