you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
this will be a night to untag.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
