return my video game
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
