It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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