You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
