the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
