what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
