i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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