I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
