Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  Can you return condoms to CVS?

  (516): View more from New York

  Only if you return your pride as well.

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  (631): Can you return condoms to CVS? (516): Only if you return your pride as well. http://tfl.nu/vx1b
  Replies (32) Good night (709) Bad night (3639)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Small penises have feelings too.

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  (573): Small penises have feelings too. http://tfl.nu/ikhv
  Replies (68) Good night (824) Bad night (3791)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.

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  (204): i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week. http://tfl.nu/kpcq
  Replies (5) Good night (4014) Bad night (768)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic

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  (915): I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic http://tfl.nu/4fd0
  Replies (35) Good night (3544) Bad night (1590)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.

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  (410): She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY. http://tfl.nu/v8u7
  Replies (85) Good night (1240) Bad night (12664)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was

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  (203): I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was http://tfl.nu/myop
  Replies (17) Good night (1196) Bad night (4542)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college

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  (716): found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college http://tfl.nu/aqwa
  Replies (2) Good night (3265) Bad night (786)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.

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  (318): I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people. http://tfl.nu/5dbr
  Replies (6) Good night (2660) Bad night (933)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them

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  (407): Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them http://tfl.nu/nkku
  Replies (7) Good night (887) Bad night (1746)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.

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  (360): you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own. http://tfl.nu/6swo
  Replies (5) Good night (2012) Bad night (450)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow

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  (914): I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow http://tfl.nu/1io8
  Replies (17) Good night (2045) Bad night (731)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?

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  (240): Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished? http://tfl.nu/q6tp
  Replies (3) Good night (1200) Bad night (537)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"

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  (978): I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it" (978): or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored" http://tfl.nu/zr7x
  Replies (3) Good night (764) Bad night (485)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?

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  (650): So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination? http://tfl.nu/zisu
  Replies (2) Good night (286) Bad night (535)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling

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  (937): He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling http://tfl.nu/peso
  Replies (8) Good night (847) Bad night (223)

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