I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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