I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM