Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
