remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
