I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.