mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
bring money and cleavage
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both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
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TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.