I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
