Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
