You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
