remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
