the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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