The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
