I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
