..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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