My hair reeks of homosexuality.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
