He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
