Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
