Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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