im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
