The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
