Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
