Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
How naked do you want me to be?
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