Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
