I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
