I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
