just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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