He disabled his match.com account in front of me
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
