Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
