he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
