I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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