3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
There was a lot of him and a little penis
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
