mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
