Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
