I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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