I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
