carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
