I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
