seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
