some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
