Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
