ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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