check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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