i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
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you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
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Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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