i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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