I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
