i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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