lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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