tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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