I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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