Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well I just put wine in my tea
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
