She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
