It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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