too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
