In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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