I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
